How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

It's been almost two years since I came back from New York. And of those two years, I have only spent 5 months in my home. This is not my home anymore. I had missed my parents, and my family, and my friends, and the mountains these mountains . But by leaving, I set on myself a terrible burden, and a curse that will haunt me forever.
I am cursed to be split in two, longing for the life I lead when I was just the youngest of four children in Bogotá and longing to be in faraway places, with a different face and a different language, with no past behind me and a clean slate facing me.
During the time I was away, my friends came and went. People died, and got married, and had children. I lost track on so many people, so many friends that left my life. Two years that helped me grow and change so much, but forced me to be split in two. I love what I studied, what I did before. But I'm scared to walk down that path-what if I'm stuck in just one place? What if I end up becoming a wanderer? No home, no fixed compass pointing due north.
There is a high price to pay for freedom. And as much as I fear for my life, I am ready to give it all in.